October 16, 2011

Interior Tenement

Gentle Reader: Many of you, including myself, have read St. Teresa of Avila's Interior Castle . I found it difficult as I usually find mystical writings. I'm not always sure mysticism makes sense to anyone but the person experiencing it. Much like this blog and its posts - probably don't make sense to anyone except me!

In the Gospel of St. John 14:2, Jesus talks about His Father's house having many rooms. Somehow, today, I've been fixated on rooms. Dante writes about levels of Hell. You decide how they are all related as this post unfolds.

I've been thinking lately about compartmentalizing. I realized recently that I compartmentalize my Faith. Supposedly, it's my Faith. You may not know that as I adjust myself and my words and my actions depending upon whom I'm speaking with. It's possible there are people in my life who have little idea that I'm Catholic. It's definite that there are people who are shocked because they know I am a Catholic and that I fancy myself as a Faithful one, but they hear the profanity and the slander coming out of my mouth and wonder who I really am.

I wonder who I really am. I've decided I'm a phony. I'm one person in this situation and someone else in another. I confuse myself. If I confuse myself and am this dishonest, what does that mean for my relationship with the Lord? Do I even have one? I deny Him so often that it wouldn't surprise me if at the end of my life he turns His back on me and says: "Ha! I pretended to love you all this time as you pretended to love me!" Nothing less than I deserve there. Maybe I'll be seeing those rings of Hell up close and personal?

I have an interior tenement. Overcrowded with all the personalities I adopt to fit any situation. I'm not always sure who the landlord of the residence I've chosen to live in really is.


Blogger Chris said...

I like the personality who encourages other people in their faith by answering questions, talking about books, and generally being supportive I vote she stays!

October 16, 2011 8:32 PM  
Blogger ignorant redneck said...

All I got to say is what I figured out on my own, about me. It's more or less a guideline for deciding:

Camouflage is tactical, protective coloration is cowardice.

For what it's worth, anyway.

On the other hand, you may just be tactful and prudent.

October 16, 2011 9:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Catherine, "If you are willing to serenely bear the trial of being displeasing to yourself, then you will be for Jesus a pleasant place of shelter." St. Therese of Lisieux (Collected Letters of St. Therese of Lisieux,(Sheed and Ward, 1949), p. 303.)

October 22, 2011 6:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jesus to Margery Kemp (+1440),
". . . for I take no heed of what you have been but what you would be, and I have often told you that I have clean forgiven you all your sins."
The Book of Margery Kemp (Penguin, Chapter 36)

October 22, 2011 7:12 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

you are invited to follow my blog

October 22, 2011 2:18 PM  

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