December 15, 2007

Terry Models his Mass Attire

Terry is really sad today. Please remember him in your prayers.

Terry's sad because the pastor at his parish called him aside and told him he was not dressed appropriately for Holy Mass. His attire was too modest, too distracting, too loud, and too disruptive.

You ask: What was he wearing? Zubaz and a tank top? A fig leaf (only)? A see thru mesh wife-beater? Jeans? Flip-flops? A full tuxedo? A suit and tie?

Er, no.

The pastor's case is as follows:

* It takes too long to get up the aisle for Communion in that get-up. I'm trying to keep the Mass under one hour!
* The sound of you trying to kneel during the Consecration is louder then the airplane's going by overhead to MSP!
* Mildred is tired of performing the service of squire by helping you navigate around and get up on your feet from kneeling. She's 92 for crying out loud!
* We still aren't sure when we'll be able to replace the candle stand by the Sacred Heart statue!
* Bob's tired of cleaning up after your war horse. I'm tired of stepping in it.
*Let's not even talk about the Great Confessional Disaster of last week, shall we?

Terry's rejoinders:

Father, this outfit is as TRAD as it gets!!!!! Catholics dressed like this for centuries!!! Also, I don't have to worry about what condition my hair is in! AND, I don't have to talk to anyone and no one talks to me! I can actually pray and it's quiet in the church again! Really, as soon as I come in everyone is stunned into silence!!!!

Father remained unmoved.

Terry's final comment: "They don't even notice in San Francisco!"

Alas, to no avail. Terry will probably now be as sloppily attired as everyone else at Mass. It was a nice try though. I give him credit for trying to bring some of the reverence back.

A final view. *sigh* Isn't he handsome?


Blogger Terry Nelson said...

Which is why I'm going to confession.


December 15, 2007 10:26 AM  
Blogger swissmiss said...

Every girl wants a knight in shining armor!

I think if you got rid of the Zubaz you be a great catch!

December 15, 2007 2:47 PM  
Blogger Vincenzo said...


December 15, 2007 3:52 PM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

Vin: That's exactly what he looks like under there! Gosh, isn't he handsome. He sets many a maids heart a-flutter!

December 15, 2007 8:06 PM  
Blogger Tom in Vegas said...

Aha! I knew I had seen a picture of Terry somewhere other than his blog! I think it was in a history book in the section covering the Inquisitions.

He led every single one of them!

I believe he was called Terry the Terrible. LOL!


December 15, 2007 8:26 PM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

Tom: In some circles he's still called that!

December 15, 2007 8:55 PM  
Blogger Terry Nelson said...

You like me! You really, really like me!

December 16, 2007 4:03 PM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

Yes, Sally, er, Terry!

December 16, 2007 6:55 PM  
Blogger Adoro said...

I only wanna know one do you keep your armor so SHINY? My armor always gets so dull and tarnished, especially after all that kneeling and standing and such.

I've tried everything, even WD-40.

What's a girl gotta do to have armor as nice as St. Joan of Arc's and Terry's?

December 16, 2007 8:47 PM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

Adoro: I think Terry winters his armor in Florida. It helps keep the harsh weather and salt corrosion from corroding his shine!

December 17, 2007 6:05 AM  

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