December 21, 2010

You Are All Bastard Children!

We are a Nation of bastard children. Bastard-not a nice word, no one uses it anymore. Bastardy died to the English language along with illegitimate and marriage. It’s not politically correct to point out to someone that it’s morally wrong that they have kids out of wedlock or by multiple partners .

It’s correct these days to remain silent and not pass “judgement” on others. Illegitimacy is, truly, a private matter.

I don’t know. It’s wrong but I hate to go back to the days of illegitimate kids treated like trash and who wants to see the abortion rate increase? But, somewhere along the line charity and kindness became confused with morality. Nowadays, people think nothing of bothering to be married to have children, children have multiple ½ siblings, holidays are a confused mess. Now it’s not “Who’s your Daddy?” so much as “Who’s my Family?”

The local paper has a column called “Holiday Wishes” every year where they pick certain families or individuals in need and tell their stories. They are heart-wrenching. I can’t help but notice though how many of the families are single parent households with kids from multiple partners or households with kids where the parents are not married and have no plans to do so. Call me old-fashioned but how is any of this good for kids? There are, obviously, no guarantees that a married parent household is going to be perfect but, at least, they provide some measure of stability and security. I used to hear people who were single parents acknowledge their wish to have a married partner and raise kids together; now, I rarely hear that.

The small town my Dad lives in had a weekly newspaper that prints birth announcements. There’s always a birth to announce. However, rarely, is the birth to a couple that are married. Povery is rampant in this area so now you have kids growing up in poverty on top of not having anything even remotely resembling a family unit. Often, these children end up being raised by their grandparents.

Just when I think things can’t get weirder, I was reading a column over the weekend that described a Broadway play opening. In the story were references to who was there: “Cynthia Nixon and her WIFE, Tony Kushner and his HUSBAND” Huh? Matter of fact, no big deal, whatever.

God knew what he was doing when he created the family. Is family always perfect: no. But, it can work.Like all things worth having it takes work; it takes commitment. Maybe that’s why we fail.


Blogger belinda said...

I was thinking the same thing today while I was waiting for a tire repair. There were two children who you could plainly see had different fathers and the young mother had a tattoo entirely across her breasts leaving very little to the imagination because her skanky shirt was open to view the stunning work of art, I thought... "Oh, my stars... you've branded yourself and limited your possiblities and what in the hell does your nursing baby think?!
My sister in law works in a school and says's that it's a problem trying to figure which kid goes with which family because so many have different last names.
Remember when being pregnant out of wedlock was a bad thing,and the word "Pimp" wasn't a compliment and the word "Skank" use to mean something really bad and if you were "Gay" that meant you were fun and maybe even happy?
Here's what I think your fishing for Miss Cathy - Natural shame is gone I think the father of lies had it removed under- "We mustn't make anyone feel bad" back in the late 60's.
My word verification is filthy- Satan is real and very busy.

December 21, 2010 10:23 PM  
Blogger Adoro said...

To add to the confusion, some couples, if they DO actually marry, don't change their names - at least ,the bride doesn't.

Or she will re-marry, or the father will and he has custody so his kid's surnames are different from his.

and then some families try to fix this by hyphenating their children's names, and I've had more than one parent express regret in this matter to me.

Yup, we are in a messed up world.

We have to remember though, that all these messed up bastard children are the reason for the birth of Christ. At least those who are baptized and live up to (or at least try sincerely) are adopted sons and daughters of God, bastards no longer in spite of what their earthly parents have done.

December 21, 2010 11:10 PM  
Blogger belinda said...

"bastards no longer in spite of what their earthly parents have done."

LOVE that Adoro! That's a blog post in it's self.

December 21, 2010 11:20 PM  
Blogger Dymphna said...

Once upon a time it was not unusual to hear a young man say that he was getting married not so much becasue he was madly in love but because he refused to let his unborn child be born a bastard. Today nobody cares and the kids suffer. The most dangerous man in a child's life is mommy's new boyfriend.

December 22, 2010 9:57 AM  
Blogger Stephen Hand said...

Well, er, ah, yes, well not quite, but then again... careful...

December 22, 2010 11:23 AM  
Blogger Dan.Eliot said...

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December 22, 2010 7:52 PM  
Blogger belinda said...

Dan, That was an eye opener, but it would be so much simplier for everyone if women and men were a lot picker about whom they have sex with- inside or outside of marriage.

Besides, I thought birth control was going to fix all of these issues, you know - unwanted children with crazy mixed up lives.

Remember when we were told that we would have the perfect society - a society where every child was wanted because birth control was going to solve all of our problems?

December 22, 2010 8:16 PM  
Blogger Just another mad Catholic said...

I know what you mean Cathy, I was concieved outside (but born within) wedlock and to cap it all my Father left when I was 12.

Sometimes I wish that my Sister and I had been orphaned when we were little and had been raised in an Orphanage run by good Catholic Sisters

December 23, 2010 3:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I guess I am one of those woman with two bastard children outside of wedlock. I returned to the church and living in Its teachings.

When I got pregnant with my first born, the story of the Nativity was amazing, because, God created a family outside its normal norms. Mary was a teenager, unwed and pregnant. Joseph was an adoptive father. It truly is God coming choosing to bore our sinfulness and its consequences.

Because I was asked to have an abortion, it became very real for me how each child conceived outside marriage or in difficult situations and in danger of abortion are given great graces to bless those around them if the mother accepts this new life despite the hardships. My son, now 6, is an amazing child, smart, trilingual, kind. Many, many people have commented what a beautiful child he is. I suspect, (others too) that God may call him to be a priest and may be the source of conversion for my in-laws. I could be wrong, of course.

Regarding last names, I was in Spain and there everyone has two lasts names and the first last names of each parents are given to the child. While there to help with papers I sometimes took up my mothers maiden name to avoid questions... My children were then also given two last names and I never changed mine.


December 30, 2010 4:45 PM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

chantal: God bless you.

December 31, 2010 1:07 PM  

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