August 22, 2010

Stop Me Mother

Yesterday, well this whole week, I’ve been sick at heart. Eventually, the illness manifested itself physically. Friday and Saturday I had a intermittant migraine and I felt sick to my stomach. I’ve been an emotional wreck. Not a total disaster but hanging on-tenuously.

Yesterday, I almost did something that I’d probably regret forever. I was tempted to lash out at someone I love very much over some stupid thing. I tried to justify my thoughts as excuses for a tough week. I knew what I was doing was going to be terrible if I did it. I knew that no one can hurt worse than someone you love.

Thanks Be To God I stopped myself. I prayed to Our Lady “Mother, help me to do right. Help me to have patience. Help me find inner peace” I still had a headache and I still felt ill but I restrained myself. I was able to talk about my issues rationally without destroying a relationship that means a lot to me.

Sometimes I feel like I’m standing outside myself. I see myself ranting, muttering, getting angry and I know what I’m doing is wrong but I can’t stop until I take a moment to reflect, pray and calm down. Sometimes, that ‘moment’ is too late and I’ve done serious damage to myself and others.

I don’t know what the lesson is but I find myself praying to my mother for strength. I was missing my mother this week so I’ve decided to go to Our Mother for advice and help-the same advice and help I’d ask my Mom for if she were still here.


Blogger Tom in Vegas said...

I get upset, too, Cathy. Especially at people who are inconsiderate or have nothing but their own interests in mind. However (and it's funny this topic should be brought up since I was thinking about it this morning) time after time I've seen people in difficult positions when a solution to their grief eventually surface in the future. Basically, they surrendered to His will. I know it's difficult. I know it's counter intuitive. I know it feels hopeless without the assurance that all will be well in the future. Nonetheless, surrender to His will and allow Him to pick up the pieces in your life. He is already the Sovereign Lord of History. Let him do His "job" when you are wronged instead of getting upset. Again, I know this can be EXTREMELY difficult (I'm a bit of a hot-head myself) but He is at work constantly in our lives and he knows the areas that need attention and healing.

August 22, 2010 7:53 PM  
Blogger Adrienne said...

Gosh - wish I could help, but I never get angry, make bad decisions, or otherwise screw up my life ;-)


Recognition of a problem is the first step to solving it, so, see - things are going great.

I'll be praying for you extra much this coming week!

August 22, 2010 8:35 PM  
Blogger Terry Nelson said...

I do this all of the time - ALL OF THE TIME!

August 22, 2010 8:47 PM  
Blogger Ray from MN said...

I find the "Hail Mary" to be fabulously effective in dealing with one of the numerous personal problems that I have.

If I used it for the others, like I should I might get a good number of Rosaries in each day without even trying.

August 22, 2010 9:09 PM  
Blogger Angela M. said...

Imagine yourself at the foot of the Cross. You are standing with Our Mother looking up at Jesus hanging there all bloodied. People are yelling at him - "come down, save yourself!" You can't take it anymore so you bury your head in Our Mother's shoulder and she lets you cry - even though our sins put her beloved Son up on that cross. How good she is - how forgiving. The last few weeks I have felt very close to her - she understands as no other can.

Hail Mary, full of grace...

Love ya, Cath - praying for you.

August 22, 2010 11:04 PM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

Thanks my friends

August 23, 2010 9:42 AM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

Thanks my friends

August 23, 2010 9:42 AM  
Blogger belinda said...

Cathy, it's all part of the human condition. Cut yourself some slack as you would for any other person who you loved.

It's always worse to be the hurter than the hurtee. The people who love you the most will forgive you the most. Say your sorry , forgive yourself and move on. Don't let it steal away any more of your time or thoughts -better used for prayers.

August 23, 2010 9:03 PM  
Blogger ignorant redneck said...

Wow--for a moment I thought you had published my private journal!

Love and Grace is with you, remember.

August 25, 2010 2:00 PM  
Blogger nazareth priest said...

Happy Feast of Our Lady of Czestachowa, dear CofA!
May She give you a big hug and kiss!

August 26, 2010 12:46 PM  
Blogger Georgette said...

Love you, darlin'! Prayers for you, from here!

August 28, 2010 10:17 PM  

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