August 08, 2010

Is It Me?

Gentle Reader: You know I’ve been having challenges the last few weeks. I’m, frequently, angry and unsettled. Satan has found a worthy stronghold in my manner lately.

When I’m angry I’m usually reacting to someone or something that has irritated me or “ticked me off”

I had a major blow-up with my neighbors yesterday. I was upset with my Dad yesterday evening. I’ve been frustrated with some my co-workers all week.

My friend, Terry, sent me some notes this week wherein he shared his wisdom. I, usually, publicly bust Terry’s chops because, yes, he is a joker. However, that’s his disguise. He’s really a wise man.

Terry and I have some things in common-usually having to do with our reactive tempers. Terry thinks some of his reactions are internal; not external. The problem could be him.

It made me think. Yes, in some instances I am reacting to people that would test the love of Jesus and are not well liked or respected by too many people. Does that always justify my behavior?

When I react negatively could it be that sometimes they are innocent or not as guilty as I believe they are but that I’m reacting to the emotional baggage in my life?

With my neighbors, was parking and ¼ blocking my driveway an honest mistake but I reacted harshly because there have been instances they’ve directly attacked me? Am I remembering the times in my life I was isolated and picked off by gangs of people who hate me?

With my Dad, I was upset that, as a elected official, he does not always have time to talk to me. I was a wreck and could’ve used his help and he had to hang up and go talk to a visiting Christian teenager who is heading home after a summer of helping with projects on the Rez. Wasn’t it like this my whole life? My Dad, the workaholic, the favorite neighbor, the guy who is there for everyone but not always his family. I was ashamed and started to cry as I pondered how to hurt my Dad, how to retaliate. I knew he’d be devastated because I know he loves me. No one hurts you like those you love. I, thankfully, opted not to and somehow found the strength in prayer to be glad that my Dad gives so much of himself to others. I need to learn to share. He always enjoys time with me. I know this but I’m selfish.

With work am I blowing minor incidents out of proportion because my last boss was an emotional manipulator and now I’m suspicious of everyone’s motives? Am I ready to throw in the towel too quickly because I felt that 1 year and 8 months with evil boss was too long and I wish now I’d left earlier than I did?

I don’t know. All I know is composing this post I feel better. I’m going to go pray now.

St. Catherine of Alexandria, pray for us. Maybe I need to read the writings of The Little Flower again.

21 Comments:

Blogger nazareth priest said...

Just pray, dear.
All will be well.
Really.
I love you and Terry so very much (is that a sinful attachment??)...
Well, we're separated by the internet and miles, so I guess it's okay.
Your trials are so near and dear to us all; believe me, there are days when if I had a hatchet in my hands, you'd be reading about me in the newspapers...I'm not kidding.
We just do what we can; try to do better; pray for whatever it is we need.
Golly, with the Obamas taking multi-million dollar vacations, my problems do seem to be not-so-spectacular...but I hope we can pay the bills this month; I digress.
Love to you, CofA.

August 08, 2010 8:01 PM  
Blogger The Little Way said...

I once saw this "prayer" on a t-shirt on the boardwalk and while decency forbids that I repeat it verbatim on a Catholic blog, I am tempted to say it about a million times a day, especially at work.

Dear Lord, please grant me the strength NOT to choke to death this posterior orifice that desperately needs it. Thank you. Amen.

People push our buttons. NP is exactly right. Pray. Put it in His hands. I have to constantly remind myself every time I blow a gasket that I'm being selfish and squandering an opportunity to make a sacrifice for Jesus. I try, I fail, I try again.

August 08, 2010 8:52 PM  
Blogger Ray from MN said...

I've read "The Story of a Soul" three times and it's about time that I should pick it up again. I still don't get it. But I get closer each time.

August 08, 2010 9:06 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

Where the heck is my Cranky Catholic Chaplet +2? Better polish that thing off and start praying.

Oh wait... Am I mixing up D&D and Catholicism again?

Bede,
who's off to tell those beads right NOW!

August 08, 2010 9:06 PM  
Blogger Adoro said...

Cathy ~ I know what you mean. I sometimes suspect that you and I really do have the same temperament. Or at least temper! lol

Is that why we get along so well and can be so honest with each other sometimes?

I could have written this, but you've done it better.

August 08, 2010 9:40 PM  
Blogger Angela M. said...

Prayers ascend.

August 09, 2010 1:54 AM  
Blogger Joe (Defend Us In Battle) said...

Prayers for your peace.

August 09, 2010 1:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmm ... sounds like you and I are temperamentally (pun intended) related, Cathy. I agree w/ all the comments above -- let's all support each other in prayer, and keep our eyes on Jesus. He after all went through much more than we could ever imagine! He is the Source of our strength in dealing with the trials and tribulations of each day!

August 09, 2010 8:28 AM  
Blogger JeanS said...

Bumper sticker: Angry? Need a weapon? Pray the Rosary!
...
Prayers for many graces.

August 09, 2010 10:09 AM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

Thanks everyone!
Bede: Cranky went on sabbatical
Adoro: I hope we can be honest with each other all the time.

August 09, 2010 12:23 PM  
Blogger LarryD said...

Cathy - I hear ya, sister. Temper is my weak point. I should pray more, but sometimes I find writing a goofy post helps.

Praying for you.

August 09, 2010 7:22 PM  
Blogger nazareth priest said...

LarryD, CofA; Maybe we should have a
"Rage=a=Thon"...nothing sinful...just a "release"; let me tell you...in our Diocese with the revelations of a "beloved Pastor" who was masturbating to pictures of children in sexual congress, I think I'm about ready to visit him in LaCrosse with a hatchet and well...Our new Bishop might not look kindly on that...I'd be suspended, probably:<P!LOL!
I'm so fed up with the major B.S. that goes on within and outside of our Church.
But somehow, we have to persevere;
there are days I'd take a secular job just to get away from all the s*** that goes on "inter ecclesiae"; I mean it.
Jesus is Lord; Mary is our Mother; God is great!
Amen!

August 09, 2010 11:15 PM  
Blogger Tancred said...

It's really hot... and I'm unusually cranky as well. Give it a couple of weeks till Autumn comes and it will "blow over".

Until then, get out to the beech and do some swimming.

I go at night.

August 10, 2010 1:51 AM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

I should dub NP the official cranky priest of Recovering Dissident!

'Cred: I hope I don't see you in the paper for skinny dipping at Nokomis!

August 10, 2010 4:19 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth Mahlou said...

I think you have a number of friends here who have given you good advice and shown support. I hope that helps -- and I pray that God will step in and help you deal with these kinds of things that are causing you such frustration.

August 12, 2010 12:43 AM  
Blogger Adrienne said...

Why just today I was in such a rage (not even sure why) that I thought I'd pop a blood vessel in my skull.

There is no doubt in my mind that the cr*p going on in this country and, as Nazareth Priest said, in the church, is affecting everyone in a very negative way.

The forces of evil are hard at work and as long as we recognize that fact - we will prevail. God always wins, doncha know.

Now, of course, the fact that NP said he loved you and Terry and has never said he loved me doesn't bother me one little tiny bit. No siree, Bob. I'm just hunky-dory with that. Really!

August 12, 2010 9:58 PM  
Blogger Adoro said...

I don't know about you-all, but I've been under serious attack for a few weeks now and don't know how much more of this I can take. No end in sight.

I recently read of a monk who asked if people in the future would be strong, and his superior said that they would be stronger...because they fought satan chained....we, I think are fighting him unchained.

August 13, 2010 1:18 PM  
Blogger Ray from MN said...

Well, I love you, Adrienne!

And Adoro, I never used to think that the devil existed. I was so weak that I didn't need outside temptations.

But the last year or so, I am convinced that his legions are hard at work. And it's frightening.

Pray harder!

August 13, 2010 2:24 PM  
Blogger Adoro said...

Cathy ~ Here's the deal: come to plurk. As in, Plurk, Plurk Plurk Plurk. It's calling your name.

Come plurk....

August 13, 2010 5:44 PM  
Blogger Vincenzo said...

Plurk

August 13, 2010 5:45 PM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

Nice try you two!

August 13, 2010 8:34 PM  

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