August 08, 2009


Gentle Reader: Hi!

I woke up this morning, late and crying. Yes, full out sobbing, right as I woke up. I cried to the Lord. It's probably been over 10 years since I've been that mired in despair. However, 10 years ago, I yelled at the Lord and hated on Him. This time, I prayed for strength.

If I were more saintly (heck, if I were saintly period), I'd be better able to endure persecution with grace, patience and dignity.I'd probably still have a job. I wouldn't have walked out. I'd be able to take my boss' abuse without yelling back, walking out, etc. I'd be able to put up with the people next door keeping me awake 1/2 the night without yelling profanities out the window and muttering against them when I see them.

If I were a better person, I would be making my Morning Offering when I get up instead of 2:00 p.m. when I finally remember "oh, yeah, duh!" I'd make an Evening Offering before I go to bed instead of never remembering to do it at all. I'd pray without distraction. My distractions lately involve trying to push the violent tendencies out my head. I've had some dark dreams of late-really dark.

If I were a better person, I'd finally learn patience and charity. At this rate, I expect to learn these: 1) never. 2) late.

I've been to Confession and Thank God for it. Prayers help. Mass attendance helps. Daily recitation of the Rosary-REALLY helps. Thanks, Lady.

I've been having some problems with my computer and online access this week. Yes, the Twitter Fail Whale and the drama of Thursday but whatever.... I'm too busy these days to care. I've barely been blogging or reading online at all. If it were me and I had to register commenters for my blog I'd say: F*** It (w/o the stars!)! and be relieved to dump it all. 'course I have about 5 regular readers so registrations wouldn't take long. After this rant, I probably have 2!!!

The problem is: there just aren't enough people leaving town. Yes, everyone get out! I want to see more vacation photos. I'm not going anywhere and I can live the adventure through you!

There also is not enough food. We need more food photos online! I don't have much time to cook as I'd like these days so I like to see your prepared food so I can be happy!

There is also not enough large bandwidth photographs on pages. I need there to be, so more of the folks who have dial-up have more time to pray for me as they wait, wait, wait, wait, wait for pages to load.

/end rant

Oh, and please pray for me. Thanks and God bless you!


Blogger Fr. Andrew said...

prayers from this priest who is a poor sinner as well.

August 08, 2009 4:34 PM  
Blogger mgibson said...

Ouch, I feel your pain. Haven't woken up quite THAT stricken... yet. But I hear you, completely. I feel quite helpless and useless these days, depending on the mercy and charity of those around me, and while I comforted myself for a time with the grateful realization of how perfectly (considering) things have worked out so Providentially - with a home and food and a car with gas and insurance paid up and even a wonderful, if poor himself, boyfriend. God surely is taking care of me, I know that... but, well, I am rapidly reaching the point of almost-despair, mostly out of my longing for indepenedence. Which means the end of the tunnel probably won't be in sight for a good long while. *sigh*

Still though, we've gotta just hang on by the fingertips and trust that there is an angel holding us up by the feet that we can't see yet. We're alive, we can go to Confession, we can get to Mass, we are still in the time of mercy, not justice. Praised be Jesus Christ, now and forever!

August 08, 2009 4:53 PM  
Blogger Adrienne said...

Quit beating up on yourself about that crappy job. Your choices were three, accept, change, or leave. You chose three because one and two were not working. End of story. The co-workers and boss were creeps. That's not your fault.

In the meantime, enjoy your depression (they can, be fun ya know), eat some chocolate and wash it down with bacon and a beer.

We love you, wouldn't have you any other way than the way you are, and understand!

August 08, 2009 5:46 PM  
Blogger Angela M. said...

I'd write a comment but I have to dig up my fabuloso vacation photos of my personal audience with Papa Benny, tea with QEII and my day at the beach with Terry. (He really needs a back wax - can you please nudge him a little harder to spend the money on it - sheesh!)

Also, I've got to supervise Fabio the cook I imported from Bella Italia - he keeps wanting to dump more wine in the spag sauce! Like he isn't yummy enough?!

OK, bandwidth - is that Mama Cass - she's wide and in a band? If so I can feel a youtube career coming on!!! Angela Messenger LIVE from her computer room! Tralala!

OK, Babe, gotta run back to my real life. L♥ve YOU!

August 08, 2009 6:22 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

Oh dear! I started a Divine Mercy novena last night and might have just *mentioned* your name somewhere along the line, but I certainly didn't intend for *this* to happen!



Maybe it's the other way around.

Maybe St. Faustina nudged my mental elbow, prompting me to mention your name because you *needed* it.

Being Catholic is spooky sometimes, but I like it.


August 08, 2009 7:41 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

extra prayers for you tonight Cathy.
I will be @ St Agnes for the Latin Mass tomorrow, possibly with a kid in tow. Just in case you were going to be there. :)

August 08, 2009 7:55 PM  
Blogger Vincenzo said...

Praying for you.

August 08, 2009 8:30 PM  
Blogger chloesmom said...

In a similar situation -- prayers going up for you. God bless.

August 08, 2009 8:46 PM  
Blogger Terry Nelson said...

I know!

August 08, 2009 9:42 PM  
Blogger Ray from MN said...

Was that THE mgibson? Welcome back, m.

Hi, Adrienne. We should talk.

C of A.You gotta add me to that list.

I think it's the dog days of Summer. It's been quite a bit of work trying to find things to post, or people to talk to. My inbox is barren, except for the 400 chunks of spam I get daily. So I've resorted to transcriptions.

There are lots of people requesting prayers also these days. So don't feel like the Lone Rangerette!

It might be time for us to grab Ter by the elbows and drag him out for a feast!

I think we all could use it and certainly Fr. Andrew, mgibson, Adrienne, Angela, Chris/Bede, Vincenzo (I'd get a chance to meet him) and Chloesmom are invited also.

I don't know if this has anything to do with the mood tonight, but the secret codeword that I will have to duplicate to post this comment is "trash."

August 08, 2009 11:15 PM  
Blogger Angela M. said...

Ray you are too sweet!

Ter - what do you know?

August 09, 2009 12:04 AM  
Blogger JeanS said...

I said an Our Father for you this morning. Have been there and remember the excruciating pain. God grant you perseverance!

August 09, 2009 6:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Unresolved discontent? This too shall pass.

August 09, 2009 8:47 AM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

Anon: I know.

All: I'm deeply moved by these comments. Thank you. I'll pray for all of you as well.

Angel Baby: Ter's back hair? Yeah, I know but he's afraid. He still remembers the hillbilly wax I gave him a few summers ago: Nair and the garden hose.

August 09, 2009 10:06 AM  
Blogger Angela M. said...

"hillbilly wax" - ROFLMAO!!!!

August 09, 2009 12:03 PM  
Blogger Sanctus Belle said...

Cathy your place spiritually mimics mine lately. These are dark times indeed. I had a dream the other night that the entire world was drenched in the blood of aborted babies - yes the entire world. Every night I beg Mary to obtain the grace for me of a night without dark, violent dreams. Sometimes this is granted, other times not. I will pray for you, please pray for me too.

August 10, 2009 10:39 PM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

Sanctus Belle: Absolutely, I'll pray for you. I pray your new venture helps keep the dark at bay.

August 11, 2009 8:55 AM  

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