December 27, 2008

Darkness Visible

Advent has ended and we are in the Christmas Octave. I've begun a ritual of making a plan for Lent and Advent in order to try and focus my attention on the Season and enter deeper into the Mystery about the unfold.

Here's my Advent plan.

How'd I do?

Well, I only managed to get my lazy butt out of bed on one Saturday morning. Also, I only made it to Novena twice.

Everything else on my list went off as planned.

But, the most important part of this list is assessing how I feel. Not "feelings" like in the gaggy poppy psychobabble way but applying feeling to a spiritual status: a spiritual check-up.

I feel really disconnected. I think my personal baggage is really getting in my spiritual way. I'm trying to let it "go" but I don't think it's working. I'm spending more of my energy just trying to survive each day without falling into a well of despair. Yes, I'm praying daily and going to Confession when I need it but even the Absolution seems like it's not enough. Absolution is not giving me the usual sense of relief and unburdening that I normally feel after Confession.

I know I am experiencing a long darkness-a dry spell. I don't have any answers or witticism to say about it. It is what it is.

Persevere. The daily Rosary and daily reading of Scripture do provide a time of detachment from my wordly cares. They help keep the darkness in my soul from overshadowing my entire being. Persevere. Keep it going. That's what I need to do and WILL do. Fight the darkness which, if unchecked, leads into sin and hell.

Go away troubles in mind
Come Hope
Bring the light back

9 Comments:

Blogger Adrienne said...

I "feel your pain". I'm the same way right now. I'll be making a plan later today. Bless you and remember to "keep the faith!"

December 27, 2008 12:50 PM  
Blogger Terry Nelson said...

I feel your pain too.

December 27, 2008 12:55 PM  
Blogger swissmiss said...

Maybe ask Mother Teresa (Saint Teresa of Calcutta) for intercession. I think she knew better than most how this feels. Sorry you feel like this, prayers that things improve.

BTW...the word verification is
stmatti...St. Matti :)

December 27, 2008 1:26 PM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

Thanks all! Interesting, Swissy!

I've read St. John of the Cross too but I find his writing difficult to get my heart around. Not sure why.

Mother Teresa's book has been on my reading list for a while. I should go get a copy.

December 27, 2008 2:02 PM  
Anonymous L. said...

I'll remember you in prayer on my walks in the desert in the upcoming week!
God bless, Cathy, and a blessed New Year!

December 27, 2008 4:28 PM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

Thanks, L! Enjoy the Fiesta Bowl!

December 27, 2008 6:53 PM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

December 27, 2008 6:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cathy, we feel for you and have been there. Can you keep your spiritual practices up AND exercise one hour a day also? I find exercise really helps my mood and outlook--after I've finished it. You definitely take care of your spiritual life, how about your physical life? With love!

December 28, 2008 10:28 AM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

Anon: Excellent suggestion but it is tough to fit in the exercise. I should resolve to do that. I used to bring spiritual reading to read while I worked out. I should start doing that again.

Thanks!

December 28, 2008 1:04 PM  

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