December 27, 2008

Darkness Visible

Advent has ended and we are in the Christmas Octave. I've begun a ritual of making a plan for Lent and Advent in order to try and focus my attention on the Season and enter deeper into the Mystery about the unfold.

Here's my Advent plan.

How'd I do?

Well, I only managed to get my lazy butt out of bed on one Saturday morning. Also, I only made it to Novena twice.

Everything else on my list went off as planned.

But, the most important part of this list is assessing how I feel. Not "feelings" like in the gaggy poppy psychobabble way but applying feeling to a spiritual status: a spiritual check-up.

I feel really disconnected. I think my personal baggage is really getting in my spiritual way. I'm trying to let it "go" but I don't think it's working. I'm spending more of my energy just trying to survive each day without falling into a well of despair. Yes, I'm praying daily and going to Confession when I need it but even the Absolution seems like it's not enough. Absolution is not giving me the usual sense of relief and unburdening that I normally feel after Confession.

I know I am experiencing a long darkness-a dry spell. I don't have any answers or witticism to say about it. It is what it is.

Persevere. The daily Rosary and daily reading of Scripture do provide a time of detachment from my wordly cares. They help keep the darkness in my soul from overshadowing my entire being. Persevere. Keep it going. That's what I need to do and WILL do. Fight the darkness which, if unchecked, leads into sin and hell.

Go away troubles in mind
Come Hope
Bring the light back


Blogger Adrienne said...

I "feel your pain". I'm the same way right now. I'll be making a plan later today. Bless you and remember to "keep the faith!"

December 27, 2008 12:50 PM  
Blogger Terry Nelson said...

I feel your pain too.

December 27, 2008 12:55 PM  
Blogger swissmiss said...

Maybe ask Mother Teresa (Saint Teresa of Calcutta) for intercession. I think she knew better than most how this feels. Sorry you feel like this, prayers that things improve.

BTW...the word verification is
stmatti...St. Matti :)

December 27, 2008 1:26 PM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

Thanks all! Interesting, Swissy!

I've read St. John of the Cross too but I find his writing difficult to get my heart around. Not sure why.

Mother Teresa's book has been on my reading list for a while. I should go get a copy.

December 27, 2008 2:02 PM  
Anonymous L. said...

I'll remember you in prayer on my walks in the desert in the upcoming week!
God bless, Cathy, and a blessed New Year!

December 27, 2008 4:28 PM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

Thanks, L! Enjoy the Fiesta Bowl!

December 27, 2008 6:53 PM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

December 27, 2008 6:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cathy, we feel for you and have been there. Can you keep your spiritual practices up AND exercise one hour a day also? I find exercise really helps my mood and outlook--after I've finished it. You definitely take care of your spiritual life, how about your physical life? With love!

December 28, 2008 10:28 AM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

Anon: Excellent suggestion but it is tough to fit in the exercise. I should resolve to do that. I used to bring spiritual reading to read while I worked out. I should start doing that again.


December 28, 2008 1:04 PM  

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