October 18, 2008

The Desert

Greetings from the Como Cave!

I have gone in to the desert for a necessary period of solace, consolation and meditation.

The Cross of my job has been such an unbearable weight and such a revelation of my continual lack of charity (Thanks Be to God for His lessons!)that all the strength and wit to compose anything has been completely sucked out of me.

Woe, would that it were so for my tongue....No, I'm still givin' it right back to those who keep trying beat me down. Not always constructively, rarely charitably.

Unfortunately, at times the dryness in this desert has quenched my ability to pray. I had a horrific day on Thursday and Friday. I left the office with a splitting headache. I've struggled to find the motivation to pray my daily Rosary, Divine Mercy Chaplet and Scripture meditation much less find meaning in any of it.

Historically, when times were tough, I'm sorry to say I prayed more than I did when everything was great. I'm at the point in my spiritual journey where I have matured enough to recognize and participate in daily prayer. These days, I'm trying to pray, as usual, but I feel seperated from humanity and God-even from myself.

The writings of St. Francis de Sales have been a comfort to me. The Saint, as do many of our treasury of Saints!, recommends making regular prayer a habit as part of living a devout life. The Saint says if there are times that are too "disruptive" pious ejaculations may be an adequate substitute.

Bottom line: better to do something to keep the connection with God rather than nothing. When I do nothing but wallow in my own misery..yep..there he is....my Enemy of many times past, way too many times, moving right into my heart, disturbing my rest.

Mary!

I know some of you out there are snearing at the simplicity that I just put forth as a solution. Try it. At the word "Mary!" invoked with the appropriate respect, the Enemy retreats. Watch him run away.

In a day, during most work weeks, when I hear the name of Jesus expelled from foul lips as a curse, some days Mary seems to be the only name that is still free from contagion for us as Catholic Christians to invoke. Why don't we more often? Why don't I?

I know why. It's a piece of feminist baggage that the airline to reversion did not conveniently lose for me. Maybe I'll have more to say on this later after my penance..for now..back to the cave...

Please pray for me as I pray for all of you. May God bless you.

12 Comments:

Blogger The Cellarer said...

What do we do when attacked by some criminal? We strike out at him and cry for help. Our cries are answered by the police who then resuce us from danger.

...warfare with passions...Filled with anger against them, call for assistance: Help me O Lord, Jesus Christ Son of God, save me! O God make speed to save me!... This will make the enemy run away as though pursued with flames.

Theophan the Recluse

October 18, 2008 3:02 PM  
Blogger Anna B. said...

Praying for you and I will include you in my rosary intentions..

Mary, take over and resolve what I am not able to resolve. Take care of those things that are beyond my reach. You have the power to do so. Who can ever say that he was disappointed in you after having called you?
Mother, take over at this moment when I see nothing, when there does not seem to be any light in the tunnel, this moment of doubt, fear, this hour of making the right decision when everything seems to be going against me. Amen

October 18, 2008 3:55 PM  
Blogger Angela M. said...

"...feminist baggage that the airline to reversion did not conveniently lose for me. Maybe I'll have more to say on this later after my penance..."

OH! I SO want to hear about this!

Sending you my guardian angel right now....

October 18, 2008 4:28 PM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

Dear Siblings in Christ: My spirit is greatly uplifted by these comments. Thank you.

Angela: I've sensed him already. Thanks!

October 18, 2008 7:54 PM  
Blogger Tom in Vegas said...

Praying for you, of coarse.

Sometimes, when I can remember, I try to say "this, too, shall pass" but within a Christian context (Read Ecclesiastes 3:1). Nothing lasts forever, not matter how dismal the situation may appear. I think C.S. Lewis said it best when he wrote that anything that is not eternal is eternally out of date. So, since God is the Sovereign Lord of History, and the true source of all things good and eternal, your tough times have there days numbered.

Hope I made sense.

October 19, 2008 12:31 AM  
Blogger Adrienne said...

Cathy - I have had many "jobs from hell" as I like to call them.

I said to my husband when I came home after leaving the last one, "I will never, ever put up with that crap ever again. I will not be cowed by fear of economic uncertainty. Sitting in the middle of the street and starving would be a better alternative to having the life sucked out of me."

Once I made that decision my choices became easier and opportunites abounded.

I really feel for what you are going through and will keep you in my prayers.

P.S. Crispy hash browns always help!

October 19, 2008 12:02 PM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

Tom: Yes, that makes sense! Thanks for your thoughts.

Adrienne: I know but I'm not quite at that point of liberation from the $. I admire those who are. I'm so depressed I don't even feel like eating. When I greet the thought of hash brown with indifference something is terribly wrong!

October 19, 2008 12:46 PM  
Blogger Adrienne said...

Oh, oh - that is serious...

October 19, 2008 7:30 PM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

Adrienne: You know it! LOL!

October 20, 2008 6:20 AM  
Anonymous Lisa said...

Praying for you...

October 20, 2008 12:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Cathy,

Sorry to hear that life in library land is bad for you.

You are in my prayers!

Katie

October 22, 2008 4:04 PM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

Thanks Lisa and Katie!

October 22, 2008 7:18 PM  

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