June 02, 2008

Lord, Lord

As we approach the Pauline year beginning on June 29th, I've been heavily meditating upon the life of St. Paul.

Since my reversion, I've come to realize that I feel a great affinity for St. Paul.

Like St. Paul, I used to breath threats against the Christians who were not like me. Meaning, people who actually lived the Christian faith as it is supposed to be lived by those who profess to be Roman Catholic.

Me: I prophesied in Jesus' name and did a lot of stuff in Jesus' name. All of this I did without asking Him. All of this I did, not because I was living according the 10 Commandments, but because I said so.

I justified not only my own faith but my own works. It's ok to smoke pot because I'm not killing anyone. It's ok to use contraception because the Church is behind the times and needs to get with the program-my program.

I wanted to change the Church. I thought the world would be a better place if the Catholic Church were to change. I neglected to wonder if the world and the Church would be a better place if I were to change.

I failed to consult anyone other than my usual crowd of dissident friends on my plan for changing the Church according to my desires. It never occurred to me to consult the people who were perfectly happy with the Church as it is. How would they feel if the Church they loved changed to suit me? Who cared? I thought they were all wrong and needed me to educate them.

How arrogant is that? Everyone needs me and my brilliant ideas to make the world a better place, to make the Church a better place.

With wisdom, and, yes, age, comes humility. I will pass away. I am a mote in God's eye. In the span of centuries, my life is but a ring on the trunk of a California Redwood. I live for 70-90 years (God willing) and in my brief life I expect to change centuries of Christ's Church to conform to my will. Was I nuts?

It was not the Church that needed to change. It was me. I am as inconstant and mercurial as the wind. Today, I want this, tomorrow I want that. Truth is forever. My wind breaks around the rock and still it stands.

9 Comments:

Blogger Laura The Crazy Mama said...

I just want you to know... I've always thought of you as so much more than just breaking wind.

XOXO
;P

June 02, 2008 9:22 PM  
Blogger Tom in Vegas said...

Very true, Cath. Catholicism, as I'm sure you've heard before, is NOT about feeling warm and fuzzy all over. It goes beyond tat considerably.

I can respect the viewpoints of people who want change to enter the Church in some way. What I DON'T approve of is the ecclesiastical equivalent of civil disobedience. Breaking the rules in hopes of bringing about the change you desire is something I find both immature and detestable. Best to leave and go somewhere else where you might be happy than to make a rear-end of yourself.

June 03, 2008 12:02 AM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

Crazy Mama: You love me, you really love me! *sniff* Hand me my tissue would ya?

Tom and Crazy Mama: The breaking wind reference was not accidental. I should have known both of you would pick up on that. But, gosh, isn't it poetic?

June 03, 2008 5:52 AM  
Blogger Adrienne said...

Glad to hear the "breaking wind" was on purpose. It made my eyes hiccup:)

I'm very worried. My ususal cranky Cathy is sounding so, well, mellow is the word that comes to mind.

June 03, 2008 6:10 PM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

Sorry, Auntie! LOL!

June 03, 2008 7:51 PM  
Anonymous adoro said...

Adrienne...don't worry. She's just growing up!

:-)

June 03, 2008 9:44 PM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

Hmmm...I think I've just been dissed. Forcing me to retaliate! LOL!

June 04, 2008 6:15 AM  
Blogger LarryD said...

Your short post contains more wisdom than all the diatribes of the WOC, Call-to-Apostasy and VOTF combined. With great humor and humility, too. So does this mean that breaking wind is an action of the Hole-y Spirit?

June 04, 2008 9:04 AM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

Wisdom? Must be the wind blowing!

LOL!

June 04, 2008 11:46 AM  

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