Gentle Reader: Sorry, I've been scarce, but, as I suspected, my new work out routine has eaten up a lot of my free time. But, other than wrenching my right knee this week, it was a good idea for me to start up my physical fitness regimen once more.
Friends, the Lord has taught me a fine lesson this week. One that I hope I will remember the rest of my life. He has answered my prayers. No, He did not just give me what I wanted exactly as I wanted. But, He gave me something better: Understanding.
My regular readers, my friends, know what a trial my new job has been. I've had difficulties in getting along with my boss. I started applying for new positions elsewhere. I've been cranky, irritable, unbearable to be around, fearing to go the office, ungrateful, etc. etc.
I've had trials like this before. You probably have to. But, this time, it was different. I approached it differently. I leaned heavily upon the Sacraments: Mass, Confession. I read Scripture each day. I prayed the Rosary and the Divine Mercy Chaplet every day. I visited the Blessed Sacrament. I prayed constantly. I asked my Angel for help. A few times I sensed Adoro's Angel nearby-he's grown to be a good friend too. It sounds crazy but, really, he has a distinct presence. I asked friend's for prayer. I'm someone who has a MAJOR problem asking people for help until it's too late so it's a HUGE thing for me that I asked for help at all!
A wise Confessor, that I visit on occasion, told me (after I vented for several minutes of wailing grief) that I should pray the 4th Sorrowful Mystery (The Carrying of the Cross), meditate upon it and pray for the grace to carry my crosses without complaint.
You know what? It all worked.
No. I did not get a new job.
But, my boss and I had several good meetings this week where we each admitted our role in our dysfunctional relationship thus far. We both decided it was all over and done and we would go forward afresh. It has been a fantastic week since then. We can still get testy but our projects together are going well and we know we can be honest with each other and then move on.
I withdrew an application and offer I got from a different employer. I decided to stay where I am and see if I can make it work.
I, honestly, believe that the Lord was trying to tell me that I needed to look inward and admit my own failings and make it all work. I think He is pleased. Well, I'm pleased, anyway.
Sceptics will try and pooh-pooh this all away as having nothing whatsoever to do with the Lord or the Sacraments. I know that without them I would have probably lost my job due to my inappropriate anger and conduct, and I probably would have lost several friends and my mind.
Even after I wrenched my knee this week, I continued to go to my workout sessions. I just did low-impact work but I kept moving. There is a lesson there too. In pain, whether physical or mental or spiritual, don't give up. Do what you can, but keep going.
I've learned, yet again, that I am not always easy to get along with and I learned, yet again, that I need to express myself with others with a lot more tact than I occasionally show.
I've accepted the job for the blessing it is. There are many out of work these days. There are many with no shelter or enough food to eat. I am blessed.
This morning, I was drawn to El Greco's painting of Christ Carrying the Cross. It is different from many other depictions of the Via Crucis, in that, Christ is alone. In other paintings, the one by Bosch comes immediately to mind, there are many around Christ, either jeering Him, whipping Him, weeping, helping. The sky is dark, but some light peeks thru. Christ is erect and dignified in the way He embraces the Cross. He's barely touching it. His eyes are heavenward. The Cross looms large but, it's not defining Him. He's carrying it, but He's not bowed down under it. He's side by side with it. I pray that I have the grace to carry my cross in the same way.
Today, even with the sleet whipping in the howling wind, it is the day the Lord has made! It's a new day! I'm rejoicing and glad in it!