A Cranky Cathy post!
Dinner Theater Mass:
Father Wayne Newton greets the fans at HIS show: “Hey, how ya all doin’? Who’s in town for the big game? Stand up and be recognized! Anyone here from Ohio? Give ‘em love! Go Buckeyes! For my next musical number (This one is for you, sweetie, in the front row-love ya), I’m going to start us off with “One Bread, One Body” Hey, join in if ya know it!”
Greeting the mafia high rollers in the front row at the Sands Mass:
Father Frank Sinatra runs all over the church (and turns his back on the consecrated Host sitting there alone in the Sanctuary) during the Sign of Peace gladhanding the rich Pharisees in the front row. Father has “ads” in the local Catholic paper. He’s at a different casino now but apparently he’s enough of a celebrity around here (or he thinks he is) that the ad makes a point of mentioning his former gig-just so we know who he is and where he‘s taken his act now in case we want to stop by. No word on if he’s “held over” for a 2nd blockbuster year or not.
The "I Will Not Be Ignored" Mass:
As soon as Ms. Glenn Close arrives for Mass she has to start talking to everyone around her. Like those annoying people at the theater who talk during ½ the show or leave their cell phones on. Trying to pray? Forget it. She wants to talk to you about the bake sale-RIGHT NOW! Not during coffee hour AFTER Mass-NOW!
The Musicians Come Marching In Mass:
As soon as Phillip Glass hears the least amount of SILENCE SO WE CAN PRAY IN PEACE!!!! he feels it is necessary to doodle around on the piano, organ, guitar, kazoo, Brazilian rainstick, whatever. Or he inserts another (previously unplanned) song into the “program” to remind us that he's still there.
2-4 Reasons Why All Gift Bearers and Ushers Should be Old White Men Mass:
Does no one know how to simply WALK anymore? Is there some muscular affliction around that causes people walking up an aisle to feel like they must sashay and lift the basket with the money up over their head-all the while attired in their worst slob outfit? Do priests receive some kind of training on jumpshooting in order to grab the gifts from the ushers uplifted hands that I don't know about? (I should ask Father Baer how he's training the seminarians for this) I know people have trouble letting go of the Y.M.C.A move. Really, it's SO over and The Village People are all gay.
Is the longing for silence, one of the reasons Adoration is so huge around here? Really, some days I think the Adoration Chapel is the only quiet and reverant Catholic place in town. I know I do my best praying there. I, certainly, don’t get a lot of prayer in during the biggest prayer of all-or what should be.
What do all of these scenerios illustrate in common? I think they illustrate how pervasive narcissism is today. All of these people have one thing in common: It’s all about: ME!. Look at: ME! Notice: ME! Don’t look at Him who died for many so that sins could be forgiven. He’s not here, look at me! This is why so few Catholics believe in the Real Presence anymore. They think He’s not present, even when He really is. They are so busy putting their 8 x 12 out there that they don’t notice anyone else. We, the Faithful, are so distracted by the dramatics of the perpetually needy that we forget why we are at Mass in the first place.
What a difference could be made in the lives of Catholics everywhere if people quit thinking about themselves and actually put the True Actor FIRST during Holy Mass? And if they all performed and participated in Holy Mass the way it’s supposed to be done instead of the way most guaranteed to maximize their exposure and win them accolades in their own dressing room mirror.