September 25, 2007

Saying Good-Bye to Some Friends

Continuing my series on health......

Friends come and go but Christ you will always with you...

Not exactly a Scriptural quotation....

Sometimes, we lose friendships if we move. We can also lose friends as we change our life interests.

Sometimes, its an unspoken mutually agreed upon arrangement. Both parties can see that the drift is occuring and it just happens. One day you are talking to someone daily, the next it's once/month, then once/year, then never again.

Sometimes, it's a spoken mutual agreement between two adults who agree that the relationship is "not working out" anymore and each goes their separate way.

Sometimes, the friendship NEEDS to break apart though both parties may not think so.

Addicts have friends who they use with. When an addict enters recovery, they realize that the only thing they have in common with certain friends is the drug or the alcohol. Because they fear a relapse, they have to forcefully cut all contact with their user buddies.

So, too, with me: the recovering dissident. I have friends with whom the only thing I had in common was a dislike of the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church. When I decided to return home, I had to let some of my friends go because it became too poisonous being around them. There is a point where you have to realize and accept that you are not going to the instrument of their conversion/reversion and you need to walk away for the sake of your own well-being.

No, you never stop praying for them but actually being with them is no longer an option. It's hard to walk away. No one wants to be a spoiler but sometimes you just have to. It's not that your Faith isn't rock solid, it's just that it's such a spiritual drain to stand around and argue all the time. Why? When you have so many new friends who share your beliefs that you can debate with but not fight with?

7 Comments:

Blogger Terry Nelson said...

That is a tough one. They are called toxic friendships. I could still have a lively social life if I continued to see my old friends, and wanted to live in the occasion of sin. I still pray for them and they have a special place in my heart.

September 25, 2007 3:54 PM  
Blogger Kasia said...

Amen. I have quite a few friends whom I still love dearly but know it would be a terrible idea for me to have anything to do with. Come to think of it, I have some family like that too. It hurts, and I imagine (though couldn't say for sure, of course) that it hurts them even more. After all, *I'm* the one who changed, not them. I'm the one who sees the world in a radically different way than I used to. And I'm the one who has largely disengaged from our relationships as a result.

September 25, 2007 4:41 PM  
Blogger swissmiss said...

The odd thing is that some of those toxic friendships are best left in the past since even if, by the grace of God, the person converts, the dynamics of your friendship are different. Like you said, sometimes you find out all you had in common were the toxic elements!

September 25, 2007 6:12 PM  
Blogger Adoro te Devote said...

Goodbye to some friends...hello to new ones. I value your friendship.

And I also value the fact that I get to offer you an award. Check out my blog. :-)

September 25, 2007 7:55 PM  
Blogger Ray from MN said...

I've got several good friends from college days. We had a lot in common and I value their friendship.

But it's just not like the old days. I appreciate that they still include me now and then in gettogethers, but it's just not quite the same because they know that I am taking my faith very seriously and they aren't. And one is a professor of theology.

So we carefully stick to golf, politics and current events; religion is tabu, and we're getting to be too old to talk about sex.

September 25, 2007 9:38 PM  
Blogger Richie D said...

"But now old friends are acting strange/ They shake their heads, they say I've changed/ But something's lost and something's gained/ in living every day ...."

-- Joni Mitchell, "Both Sides Now"

September 25, 2007 10:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for this post, very timely!:)
God bless,
L.

September 26, 2007 7:14 AM  

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