August 21, 2007

Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

Let's talk about sex for now to the people at home or in the crowd
It keeps coming up anyhow
Don't decoy, avoid, or make void the topic
Cuz that ain't gonna stop it
Now we talk about sex on the radio and video shows
Many will know anything goes
Let's tell it how it is, and how it could be
How it was, and of course, how it should be
Those who think it's dirty have a choice
Pick up the needle, press pause, or turn the radio off
Will that stop us, Pep? I doubt it
All right then, come on, Spin

--"Let's Talk About Sex", Blacks' Magic, Salt 'n' Pepa

Sex is everywhere is it not? We all know that. You see it and you hear it every day. Even if you'd rather not.

Look at all the commercials and ads depicting ordinary folks sitting around at bars, in kitchens, in the backyard, at the office, on the golf course, discussing their preferred method of contraception, erectile dysfunction pills, popping breathmints that are sure to get you laid, drinking beer brands that make you irrisistible, douching all the live-long day, gellin' at Helen. I'm stunned there are no vibrator commercials on the air.

In reality, are these commercials and ads are far wrong?

It used to be that the only safe topic of group conversation was the weather. Now, thanks to rampant disagreement over whether global warming exists or not, I don't think even weather can be an entirely safe topic. But, oh boy, bring up sex and that's just fine. How many times have you been in a group of people and someone feels it necessary to bring up some kind of sexual topic? For me, it's frequently among co-workers at lunch. How many times when this happens does someone speak up in protest, change the topic, or leave? My guess, from observed experience, is, not many.

The most frequent reaction is laughter, head nodding, or adding your personal, similar story to keep the sexual conversation going.

But, bring up politics or religion or even what you are currently reading and you are just asking for trouble. "I want to talk with you about my parish and how great I think it is." Response: Yawn or "I don't share your religion so I feel like you are infringing upon my personal, spiritual space." "I really think Hillary Clinton should be our next President." Response: Unless you are in a certain crowd after you say that, run for cover. "I'm reading A Thousand Splendid Suns, do you think that's an accurate portrayal of the struggles of Islamic women?" Response: "Who cares?" or "I'm reading Maxim right now! That cover photo is hot!"

That's just it. Most of us are taught that, unlike practically any other topic, sexuality is an experience that we ALL have in common. Furthermore, my generation was taught that a healthy sexuality must be publicly discussed and expressed openly.
Oh, no, let's not go back to the big, bad, olden days when there were certain things that were just not talked about or done in public! Is anything inappropriate anymore?

Healthy topics of conversation CAN be: religion, politics, media, books, music. However, it's tough to find a group of people that has the same interest in common. Does that mean that such discussions should not even be attempted? Do all of us share the same sexual experiences anyway? No, yet, that does not seem to stop sexual discussions.

I think part of the problem is that so few people these days know how to engage in civilized healthy debate. It would be nice if people could bring up topics like religion, politics and media without a fist fight breaking out. Or, people feeling
"dumb"if they don't know the subject so they'd rather talk about sex but fail to realize that they still sound dumb. Are all of us experienced, completely, in the sexual realm? We've all done it all, done everyone, and seen everything there, right? No, yet that does not seem to stop inappropriate sexual conversations. We are a depraved people.

Sex is everywhere. It's acceptable, or we think it is, because it is everywhere. Media is saturated with it. Sex sells. If you aren't doing it and buying it and accepting it then you aren't normal.

There are a lot of people in society today who define themselves almost totally in relation to society by their sexual practices. Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Questing, Swinger, Straight, Fur Lover, Open, Dominatrix. How many times do you hear: Hi, I'm a virgin? which is slightly more acceptable then "Hi, I'm celibate" because there is the perception that virginity is something that can and will be "lost" at your earliest opportunity. Celibacy is perceived as a choice for religious wackos. Surely, that can't be healthy. Who would CHOOSE NOT to have sex? They should be locked up!

How about a new sexuality acronym? NOYB-None Of Your Business

Because everyone is pretty much expected to announce at their earliest opportunity how they ACTIVELY express themselves sexually, no wonder celibates are viewed as freaks. No wonder so many think clergy and religious and laypeople who have taken a vow of celibacy should be out announcing to everyone how they like their sex and how often they get it just like practically everyone else. What they fail to grasp is that celibacy is an announcement of how often celibates have sex and how they like it: Never.

I have, absolutely, NO desire to sit around and share tales of sexual conquest with the person who consecrates the Host or hears my Confession. Yuck.

I'm probably going to be flamed by the folks who think that I'm an old stick in the mud. But, that just proves my point. If you don't stand up and just go along with our over sexualized society you, supposedly, aren't normal or healthy.


Blogger Terry Nelson said...

Very good post.

August 21, 2007 11:53 AM  
Blogger swissmiss said...

I think part of the problem is that so few people these days know how to engage in civilized healthy debate. It would be nice if people could bring up topics like religion, politics and media without a fist fight breaking out.

I see you know my mother-in-law!! LOL! My MIL can't have a rational discussion on many topics because her opinions are not based on facts or reality, but on emotion. Makes it hard to discuss anything.

And, more on the topic of your post, is my SIL feeling the need to talk about sex, prior sex partners, birth control, dad's vasectomy, whatever about sex, in front of her 15 year old son, because, well, he's 15 and knows about sex, so what's the problem? AHHHHH!! I was listening to the radio the other day and Dr. Ray was talking about parents admitting to past sins of any form to their kids. He said you never have to admit it even if you did it...your kids do NOT have the right to know. They are not your confessor or judge. You can tell them that you may have made mistakes in your past, but that you regret them, they were wrong, you were stupid, etc., and that you've learned and you don't want your kids to make the same mistake(s). Having your life be an open book to your kids is not a good thing with all topics. Discretion is not a four letter word, neither is prudence, and neither is chastity. (Sorry to rant, Cathy, but this incident just happened, so I'm still kind of in shock!)

August 21, 2007 2:07 PM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

swissmiss: That's interesting. Several years ago, I had a conversation with a friend where she said she was glad she had never used drugs because she would never have to admit it to her kids. I was conflicted. I was not sure if you HAVE to be that explicit as a parent. Certainly, our society tell us we should be open. Is there such a thing as too open as a parent?

August 21, 2007 2:39 PM  
Blogger swissmiss said...

If I was uncomfortable with my SIL's frank and adult conversation as we were playing cards, I don't feel it was appropriate to have her son be within ear shot or even included in part of the conversation. Yes, you can be too open. Like you said, you don't want to have these types of conversations with a priest, why would you want to talk like this in front of your kids, relations and parents-in-law? My SIL thinks she is "hip" or whatever the current word is, to talk like this, but really it's just disturbing, crass and lacking in good judgment.

August 21, 2007 3:31 PM  
Blogger Ray from MN said...

"Now, thanks to rampant disagreement over whether global warming exists or not, I don't think even weather can be an entirely safe topic."

For most of my adult life, the weather was about the only thing that I could safely talk about with my Dad. After he died I realized that I was just as big a jerk as he was.

But one thing for sure, we wouldn't have agreed on Global Warming. I don't know what we would have talked about.

This is another very good post from you, Cathy.

August 21, 2007 7:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Cathy,

Great post...just one thing's got me scratching my head: do you really think Hilary should be our next president?

God bless!

August 22, 2007 1:35 PM  
Anonymous Jeron said...

If I didn't talk about sex, I don't know what I'd do. I'm an outward processor. :)

August 22, 2007 1:37 PM  
Blogger Cathy_of_Alex said...

Georgette: Oh, gosh, no!

Jeron: I think Terry is in the same boat!

August 22, 2007 2:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


August 22, 2007 2:51 PM  

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