December 23, 2006

Happy Festivus!

What the heck?

Seinfeld fans probably remember the episode where George visits his parents for the holidays. His father, Frank, has created his own holiday: Festivus. A festival for the rest of us. Frank has no tree, just a plain steel pole. The guests must air their various grivances and then there is a contest of strength. In this episode, George wrestles his Dad and looses. Apparently, he never wins.

This episode aired 9 years ago.

Today is Festivus.

Yes, this TV episode has acquired a life of its own. Festivus is "celebrated" on December 23rd. Usually, in bars. The bars will put up a steel pole, set up microphones for patrons to air their grivances, and host some kind of strength testing contest.

It's a little early for the St. Paul Winter Carnival but I think King Boreas should get in on this action. Furthermore, what's debauchery in a local bar these days without the Vulcan Krewe?

Given this is Minnesota, my ideas for Festivus are as follows:

*Set up a stripped bare tree trunk. We want to honor our state's proud history of logging.

*Anything goes with the airing of grievances. Naturally, anyone who wants to complain about their parents, and how horrible it was to have to go to church on Christmas Day will be given full uncensored reign.

*The contest of strength: Drink 3 shots of chilled Rumpleminze, sit in a Finnish sauna naked for one hour, roll around in the snow (still naked), run to the Mississippi river (still naked) and jump in (still naked). Anyone who does not need their heart restarted will be declared the winner. If there is more then one winner then they keep jumping in the river until only one person has the strength to get back out. Obviously, the dead will not want a Christian burial so don't worry about that.

I know what you are thinking: Cathy, quit drinking the Peppermint Schnapps and Hot Chocolate. You've really lost it now.

Festivus is nothing more then a pagan bacchanal. Let this serve as a warning. 20 years from now Festivus will be on the list of Holidays when we say Happy Holidays. I'm being silly? 20 years ago, I would never have guessed that I would have to buy buttons and put them on my coat to make a statement that this is the Christmas season.


Blogger Ray from MN said...

I wore my button the past two days of intensive shopping and I was surprised at the amount of spontaneous Christmas greetings (not a huge number, but enough) and I also unselfconsciously spurted out the obligatory Merry Christmas more times than once.

So let's hear it for buttons and Leaflet Missal's little campaign.

Next year, let's really go for it.

Now as to Festivus, I don't know if you have enough time to listen to all my complaints. Festivus may have to become something like Hannukah, a seven or ten day festival, just for complaints before the feats of strength begin.

In my pagan days, at great expense I was diagnosed as the "Detached Critic." And that's the truth.

Merry Christmas to all.

December 23, 2006 6:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy Festivus indeed!

And a very Merry Christmas!

December 24, 2006 3:54 PM  

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